Wergle Flomp

April 1, 2009

My good friend Kevin made a suggestion for today's blog. He suggested that instead of focusing on bringing you good poetry, that it would be fun to bring you bad poetry, very bad poetry, poetry so bad that it should be spanked and sent to bed without supper. My pleasure! Normally, I try not to crush anyone's literary dreams (at least in public), but I found a way around this that leaves my conscience unblemished.

So my friends, without further ado, I introduce to you "Wergle Flomp." Just a little background, because jokes are always better with some context.

In your web walkabouts, perhaps you have bumped into Poetry.com, a "vanity" contest site where quality is not a consideration. If you enter this contest, prepare for heaps o' praise for your work. The best part is that everyone who submits is guaranteed to be a "semi-finalist." Congratulations! Now, wouldn't it be great to share your success with friends and family? All you have to do is buy a shitload of expensive, ego stroking junk like poorly produced anthologies, personalized plaques, medallions, silver bowls, coffee mugs, commemorative plates, license plate holders, t-shirts, posters, panties, condoms, tattoos, bible addendums - you name it. Open those wallets and purses! It's a celebration of your genius.

So here's the game: Wergle Flomp is a contest offered by winningwriters.com to reward the person who gets the most outrageous, laugh out loud, ridiculous poem accepted by one of these vanity contests. Here's a "fair use" excerpt from the poem by last year's contest winner, Benjamin Taylor Lally. This work would do Stephen Colbert proud. Click the picture to see the whole poem. It gets funnier as it goes along. If you're a poetry geek like me, there's another whole layer of hilarity as the poem is a spot on parody of Walt Whitman.




Here's another winner for your entertainment. Click the picture to see the whole poem.

There are some poems so unbelievable and outrageous that I could not actually show you them on my little blog, but will happily provide these links for your entertainment. Pure Comedy gold.

Notice the praise that Poetry.com lavishes on this poem by Rick Lupert that is so disgusting, I couldn't excerpt it here.

Here's a past winner, "The Craven", that takes Poe's "The Raven" to new lewd heights.

Finally, here are the poems "Flubblebop" and "Yew Gotta Larf" by David Taub, the genius that started everything. Be sure to scroll down to see what Poetry.com sent him back.

There are many more past winners that will blow your mind. Just cruise around the winningwriters.com site to check them out. Enjoy! Let me know your favorite.